Already the third month into this year and I feel as though I am dealing with a teething, vile toddler as I try to harness self-affection. Not only does it frequently feel disgustingly embarrassing but also infuriating to enforce.
I have decided to take a step back and if I can’t suddenly go into a full-flown love affair then I will have to cautiously flirt around being kinder to myself. Perhaps rewinding to the early days of the relationship, flirting a little – treating out more than expected before settling into a comfortable routine.
I try to remain heartened by the small victories:
- I walk to work a lot more than I did previously, I try to dodge the tube unless it’s really raining (…or I’ve perilously overslept)
- Since 2018 dawned, I have only purchased eco-friendly, ethical beauty products which are all natural ingredients. I am now the proud (and hipster?) owner of essential oil deodrant; Dr Bronner sulphate free shampoo; bamboo tooth floss and aloe vera tooth paste.
- I say yes to more outings rather than hide away at every opportunity
- I am actively trying to move away from support staff / secretarial into a role that I can feel more rewarded and intellectually challenged by
- I rarely drink coffee or black tea and sleep *so* much better for it
I continue to learn little lessons:
- I feel better if I invest a little more time in myself… i.e. must stop wearing my shabby 2011 reboks around the office and get a replacement handbag instead of the sports rucksack I’ve nabbed from My William.
- I’m better hydrated if I drink and walk. Sip-and-go is realistically the only way I’ll get through 2 x 750ml water, I’m just not the thirsty type!
- I have an addictive personality. I may be able to say no to drugs, booze and cigarettes but I am a fully certified sugar, bad TV series, pointless swipe smartphone game addict. I cannot be alone with these things or exposed to them in large amounts, because they will be consumed in excess.
I am grateful for:
- My resilience in trying to stick at being kinder to myself
- My William for his constant encouragment
- The privilege of living in central London