For the first time in my almost 29 years, I’m enjoying not having a job. It’s hugely down to being a little more economically mature and putting away enough to be comfortable for the next two months (weirdly my biggest savings have come from switching to the oil-cleansing method. I’ve solely washed and moisturised with coconut oil since April 2017 and saved about £30 a month on various products – I’m still using the same pot of oil which cost me £2!). Not wringing my hands wondering how I’ll be paying the bills next month is a novel experience. Of course I can’t be silly about it, but it’s nice to take a deep breath and step back.
As part of trying to embrace (without cringing or too much sarcastic, negative down-playing) self-love, self-help techniques, I’ve written down a little positive ‘to do’ list for each day. It covers the mundane (brush teeth am, go outside, 2 household chores, drink 1000ml water) to the things I want to start incorporating into my life and for which I can no longer use the excuse I just don’t have the time. In fact, I’ve always had the time… I’ve just being using it inefficiently (e.g. finding it somehow necessary to spend 4 hours from work until bed decompressing from stress in front of the TV, glued to Netflix Hell’s Kitchen).
Well, writing this now is part of the ‘writing for 15 minutes’ item of the to do list. Other entries include reading for 15 minutes, 45 minutes of exercise, 30 minutes of Japanese revision… in total it’s only 1 hour 45 minutes. That’s still a good 2 solid hours of Netflix time left, if I was still working and getting in at 6pm.
Anyway, what I’m really concentrating on is taking my time getting back into work. One thing is for sure – I just can’t stomach secretarial any longer. I’m not saying it’s not a legitimate career choice but, for me, it brings to the fore all the things that make me insecure in a work place. And, if I’m managing to achieve anything over this journey for the last 6 months, it’s that once I’ve recognised something is unhealthy for me and not serving me in any way then I need to remove that from my life as far as is reasonably practical.
For now I’m indulging all those little niggles I’ve had in the background – finally going back to the library, taking unworn items to the clothes bank, cleaning down the kitchen cupboards and throwing away ancient condiments we never use. Who knew a niggle could be so niggly and how satisfying it is to just get it done.
Next, to return to writing my stories. My only struggle at the moment, when things are going well, is to think of an antagonist : the down-side to being content!